Nothing to do with music this, or even politics, but instead a parenting issue that I am looking for opinions about.
So feel free to skip this if it has zero interest to you.
The thing is I know what I think about the subject, but I would love to hear other peoples views.
It's about kids sharing beds with their parents.
My stance is that I don't think there is anything wrong with it.
A close female friend says that it is wrong.
So far I have explained why I think that it's acceptable, and for her part she has simply stated that it is wrong for a child to share a bed with an adult.
No expanding on her view, and no reasons given for holding it.
Now I have a few problems with her stance.
One is with the phrasing she used.
To my ears it sounds as if there is a weight put on child and adult.
It sounds sort of wrong.
An ADULT shouldn't share a bed with a CHILD. I don't often advocate reading between the lines and think accepting what people say, rather than what you think they mean is always the best way forward, but in this case there is a lot of emphasis used that can't be ignored.
Of course a dirty pervert shouldn't share a bed with a child.
When I say that there is nothing wrong with a parent sharing a bed with their child - depending on the circumstances - I'm not making a case for abuse.
Adults shouldn't even share beds with other peoples kids. I'm not saying that they should, but should this stretch to a parent, male or female, sharing a bed with their own child?
I'll add that sharing a bed with your own child on a nightly basis with no particular reason is a bit strange, but is there really anything wrong with a persons child crawling into a parents bed because they are unwell, scared or emotionally upset?
The way I see it is that as a parents it is our responsibility to offer the comfort they seek.
This leads me to the second thing that bothers me about this.
It's a natural reaction to take your child in your arms and hold him or her to your breast or chest when they are very young.
Scientists say that a child feels comforted by the sound of your heartbeat. It reminds them of the womb. A safe place for them.
It seems to work to. How often have parents experienced the crying baby who immediately stops when held to them?
By extension of this I think that they get the same comfort from getting a cuddle as they get older, and then just being in close proximity as they get older still.
When my son came to live with me at age ten there was the odd occasion when he was very upset at the breakdown of his relationship with his mother and he came into my bed.
It was just a handful of times, but I didn't have an issue with it at all.
Sometimes he would sleep on the couch and I would sleep on the floor. Throughout the night he would wake and become restless and then ask if I was there.
He would soon go back to sleep when I said I was.
At that time he needed this.
Apart from that there was lots of hugs and telling him that I loved him.
This was a transitional period and by providing support to my son I feel that it helped him move forward from a time that was very emotionally trying and upsetting for him.
More recently my daughter has come to live with us after a similar breakdown in the relationship with her mother.
This has been particularly traumatic for her and especially more so when last October as their mother took her own life.
Since then my daughter who is eleven has on occasion slipped into my bed with me.
I give her a cuddle, tell her I love her and will always look after her, and then roll over and go to sleep.
Days can go by when this doesn't happen, even weeks, but then depending on different things that range from how often I've done night shifts and she hasn't seen me, or her being in pain due to a bowel issue she has or even just a very low period. (Mothers day was especially difficult for her) she will seek comfort by being in close proximity.
This could be from being snuggled up on the couch watching television or if it's 2 am climbing into my bed.
I don't see anything wrong with this at all and find it strange why anyone else would.
I can understand someone saying that she seems to be a bit old for sharing a bed with their father, but with the specific circumstances taken into consideration I think it would be rather churlish of them to maintain a strict unbending stance against it.
I can also accept to an extent a sexist view where there is a degree of discomfort as I'm a male single parent as opposed to a female one.
(I wonder how many people wouldn't bat an eye if it was a mother comforting their child)
That pisses me off, but it's an opinion that is socially entrenched and there's not a lot I can do about it.
Regardless of that though there is no one else to provide the care and emotional support.
That's the bottom line. I'm on my own here. So the choice for me is a simple one. Give the support to my kids or withold it.
So opinions expressed would be welcome.
I'll be honest enough to say that I'm hoping for the majority to side with me on this, but of not then I would love some enlightenment as to why I'm wrong in my opinion.