Dirty Angel – Kellys Bar - 10/02/12

It's been a while since Dirty Angel brought their glam hair metal rock and roll circus to town, but here they are back for a second bite at the cherry.
Older, wiser, waist expanded and hair receding maybe, but still full of the spunk of yesteryear.
Dudge, Monty, Dean, Gav and Grom are ready to rock.
Sadly the band has a problem.
It's not that they are under rehearsed, too pissed, or that their covers of the whole of Bon Jovi's back catalogue just doesn't cut it anymore.
The problem is that Dudge's trousers are so tight they are distracting the crowd from listening to the music.
You can see every vein in the two and a half inches he has, and I'm not sure if it's an optical illusion, but one ball looks to be half the size of the other.
Or if your a glass is full sort, then one ball looks double the size of the other.
Every woman in the place has their eyes glued to his crotch, and Harry the only gay in the village looks as if he is hyperventilating with excitement.
Flashbombs at a pub gig aren't the norm, but they go for it with style.
As they steam into Sweets Blockbuster there's an almighty flash and the crowd roar their approval.
The front row lose their eyebrows, but no one is caring.
This is rock and roll with a capital R.
Once the smoke clears there's a bit of a panic though.
It turns out that there was no pyrotechnics arranged and the flash and fire was just Monty drink sodden t-shirt going up in flames due to a dodgy spark jumping from the microphone that Faither had gaffa taped together.
Fair play to the band though as they don't miss a beat as they step over his prone body.
When they play the Thin Lizzy classic 'The Boys are back in town Grom decided it's that time of the night to get naked.
The reaction from the crowd makes the arrest later for public indecency worth it.
To my left Harry is pressing close to the front and flashing his moobs at Gav the pretty boy of the band.
It woudl seem that they may have a bit of history as across his moobs he has written Harry and Gav with the legend 'you want some seconds big boy' under it.
Not to be left out of the action Dean starts to light farts, and after following through proves once and for all that shit does burn.
No one wants them to leave the stage and the cries of encore reach the deafening heights of a whisper.
So never a band to leave a crowd short changed Dean plays 'Rock you like a hurricane while Dudge strums the riff of Allright now as Gav mimes the words to a Spice Girls song and Grom sings Paper Roses.
Meanwhile Monty harmonized along with the words 'someone phone for an ambulance'
Killie has definitely never seen anything like this before, and as the Bar has now taken out legal restraints on all of Dirty Angels that now mean they can't be found within a mile of the venue, it's doubtful it ever will.