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Tuesday, 3 April 2012

An open letter from a troll

I am anonymous.
I am not part of 'anonymous' who are the internet hackers with a political agenda that pushes for transparency.
I am just anonymous in the singular.
I am not legion.
I am not many.
I am a troll.
I visit Mainy's blog to post comments on his reviews of local artists.
I can't help myself.
When he responds I often wish I hadn't bothered as his answers often highlight that I'm the person who is often referred to as 'not the sharpest knife in the drawer'.
I then feel hurt and crawl back under the rock I had come from and swear that I will never comment again.
Then the urge comes to me and at night I can hear the whispers in my head urging me to make yet another nonsensical comment that will highlight my lack of social skills, my petty jealousies and my inability to express myself in a manner that others would understand.
The voices often drive me to distraction.
It may take days, weeks, or even a month, but no matter how much I fight to ignore the voices I know that I will succumb and find myself at the keyboard again.
It is then that the cycle begins anew.
I look for a recent review and then become fixated on one aspect of it.
I then magnify my imagined issue in my head until I am no longer able to consider what has been said in any sort of context other than the one I frame it in.
He's a megalomaniac.
A Machiavellian master of the dirty game.
The destroyer of young peoples dreams.
He has an ego the size of a small planet and I'm the Death Star that will blow it out of existence.
This is my reality.
The actual reality is that when I comment I come across as petty, snide and unhinged.
I'm not sure what is worse.
My realization of this, or the posts others make sneering at me and my very obvious stupidity.
I can't help it though.
I long for the day that someone says that I should be pitied more than loathed.
I aspire to being pitied.
No one knows who I am.
I an not legion.
I am not many.
I'm just a sad sack, and now I think I will go and do something a bit more fruitful with my time.
Like have a wank while watching my Justin Bieber DVD


  1. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. BRILL!!!! XXX

  2. If it's that boring why not hit the play button on the Bieber DVD again.
    I can appreciate that your television will look like a painters radio just now, but a quick wipe with a cloth and you will be good to go again.

  3. If only we could really buy troll spray. Great post and made even more appropriate since the troll couldn't resist a comment :)

  4. When I posted it people messaged asking if I thought they would respond. I wasn't sure, but wouldn't have ruled it out.
    Now here they are limiting their response to one word because they probably think it reduces the chances of them looking like a cunt.
    I suppose they're wrong again.
    No one locally is impressed with them.
    I've been asked why I allow then post to be shown, but it's free speech isn't it.
    I can handle someone disagreeing with me.
    Apart from that it raises the hits on the posts they comment on and I get the opportunity to point out their many failings.
    It's a win win situation.

  5. great stuff Mainy, very witty and well versed unlike our anonymous friend.

  6. Too many words for the troll under the bridge no doubt, or wherever they may be. Wish they'd have the ovaries to stick a name to their posts instead of sniping from the sidelines. Not likely though is it? Some folk are just all talk...

  7. What a supportive bunch of sycophants you have.

  8. Of course. They are all in my inner circle. We even have decoder rings.

  9. It would be really nice to know the identity of whoever's calling me a sycophant.

  10. I could punt forth a few guesses but that would be unfair as some may be completely innocent.

  11. Haaaa!

    A Nonny Mouse just got their bawz served tae them on a plate!!!!

    Well written and well funny wae it!!

    Your Sychophantic Lover .... Mwaaaaahhh xxxxx on the botty!!!

  12. The troll must be female due to the nag nagging your getting,and also a fan of KA Radio,pmsl x

  13. You think you can say whatever the fuck you want about anyone. Your time will come. Watch your back.