We need to be tough on crime.
It's a majority view so let's get to it.
Lets start with arsonists.
A 16 year old called Nick Clegg was charged and found guilty of two counts of arson. Not one, but two.
He was handed a very hefty community order as punishment.
That will have bloody shown him we thought, but did it?
You would think that after this brush with the law he would think twice about running about with a dodgy crew, but thinking doesn't seem to be his strong point.
Anyway arson isn't that serious is it?
Not compared to stealing ice cream.
Ice cream theft is up there with the real crimes like water theft in my opinion.
Give ice cream thief's a fine and a couple of days later they will be doing it again.
You really have to come down hard on them for it to sink in.
So I applaud the judge who has warned Anderson Fernandes, 22, that he may face jail for stealing two scoops of ice cream.
It is only right that if he does the crime that he does the time.
If not, then where would it end?
One day two scoops, the next ram raids on Iceland (the store. not the country)?
Is freezer rustling in farmfoods stores up and down the country really the future?
Left to his own devices Anderson could be the thin end of the wedge that would lead to ice cream shortages.
So throw the book at the fucker. That's what I say.
Thankfully it does look like the general public are being listened to as some geezer called Nicolas Robinson just got 6 months for stealing a case of water from an Aldi.
It about time to, and he's lucky the judge ignored my plea for his right hand to be severed.
Maybe he should think about that when he's banged up.
Who does he think he is?
Some silver spooned motherfucker with a get out of jail free card?
You only get off with that shit if it is classed as a case of high-jinx, and you either have to be earning over £250,000 for that excuse....I mean reason... to come into effect, or sometimes exceptions can be made if you are in line for a title and a wad of cash.
It's got a legal term.
Something like pleading Bullingdon Corpus I think.
My mate Dave and his idiot homey Boris could probably explain it better than I can.
They've used it a few times.
Anyway, none of that would apply to Mother-of-two Ursula Nevin.
She has fallen far short of being able to claim Bullingdon Corpus and will just have to suck up the five months she got for receiving stolen goods, and fuck all you liberal nut jobs who bleat on about it only being one pair of shorts.
The summers nearly over. So what the fuck was she thinking?
Now to be serious for a moment.
Each week I can scan through my local newspaper and see the perpetrators of serious assaults getting fines, or community service.
Individuals whose names appear on a depressingly regular basis. Not first offenders.
Taking into account the seriousness of their offences I can't wrap my head around how someone can seriously injure another and the consequences to their actions then pale into insignificance next to the theft of two scoops of ice cream, or a pack of water.
Yet here we are post London riots and people are rationalizing the draconian punishments given out.
This is not to say that those involved should not be punished, but when did the punishment fitting the crime become such a grey area?
Maybe we should be making it personal and asking ourselves what sort of sentence should be given to someone who has violently assaulted a relative in comparison to what should be handed to someone who has stolen an ice cream cone from us?
Or does asking that not fit in with how you are viewing the world right now?