I feel discombobulated and it has nothing to do with the alcohol consumption last night.
The blame for my current state lies firmly with Chris Rockson of Soundcheck Webzine who sent me a copy of Sin-Atra, a heavy metal tribute to Ol' Blue Eyes.
I thought we got on fine, but he must hate me. That can be the only explanation for giving me this.
Although Devin Townsend of Strapping Young Lad must hate me to. It's the only reason I can think of for him covering New York New York. It was to piss me off and ruin my day. No one else's day, just mine.
The usually fine sounding Glen Hughes either shows a great deal of tongue in cheek humour on his take of I've Got You Under My Skin or he recorded it on the way to rehab after a mild sort of rock star breakdown.
Queensryche's Geoff Tate sounds as magnificent as you would expect with the guitars and orchestration powerfully carrying Summerwind along, but it's a piss take isn't it. They can't be serious. This is the sort of thing you would expect to hear on an episode of the Simpsons. A post ironic dig at the whole heavy metal sub culture.
This is the main problem with the whole album. While all the vocals and musicianship is spot on you just can't help thinking what the fuck were they thinking.
“Dee Snider, Yeah you Dee. Listen up. You want to stop that mate because I may die from laughing.
I know it was a very good year. It was around when I Wanna Rock came out wasn't it? The Bond styled orchestra work is as cool as fuck buddy, but it's still four fifths Spinal Tap.”
Oh my giddy aunt. Here's that Judas Priest tribute guy that ended up singing with his heroes. Or was that a Twilight Zone I watched?
Basically this guy needs to set Witchcraft down and step away from it.
Now if anyone could save this from being the novelty album of the year it would be Cheap Trick's Robin Zanders, but no. His version of Fly Me To The Moon aspires to the lofty heights of being described as shit, but it just aint that good. It's an F- effort all round.
I remember seeing Mr Big playing in Edinburgh once. I was only there to see The Throbs who were supporting them and to say I was underwhelmed by Mr Big would be an understatement.
Never liked them and Eric Martin has done nothing here to make me change my mind with his eighties sounding, bubblegum perm take on Lady Is A Tramp.
It sounds like something that Dave Lee Roth considered too ridiculous to release, and we all know that man has had a ridiculous bypass and barely understands the concept.
Joey Belladonna deserves a medal for his contribution. A big huge gold medal that says WORST VOCAL PERFORMANCE EVER.
High Hopes isn't actually too bad. It's the guy from Scars on Broadway. The blink and you'll miss them side project of the weird looking guy and the one no one remembers from System of a Down.
Even while I say it isn't too bad I am judging it as a novelty b-side to a single or something that surfaced after a studio fuck about for a laugh.
Remember Kings X? Are they even still going? Or does Dug Pinnick just come out of the woodwork to appear on this sort of thing. A Christmas Heavy Metal tribute to Satans dyslexic brother Santa. That sort of thing.
I've decided I want a medal. One as big as Joey Belladonnas. I deserve it after sitting through this ear carnage.
I mean who the fuck is Elias Soriano who is singing Love and Marriage?
I could look it up I suppose, but to be honest I don't actually care any more.
Things could have been worse though. Like someone from Warrant could have been included.
Oh. Speak of the Devil and it aint Ozzy. Here's Jani Lane doing a Dave Lee Roth impression on That's Life.
He's also got Ritchie Kotzen playing along. If memory serves me right his main claim to fame was being thrown out of Poison for shagging another members bird.
This album actually dances on that line where the really bad can verge on being good.
In future when I have a party and want the guests to leave at the end of the night this is the CD that will be going on.
It could clear a room in minutes.