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Sunday, 4 January 2015

Colin’s Godson –

Half Man Half Biscuit once had an idea that they would listen to lots of Abba and then write an album that would be produced by Luke Haines.
Everyone agreed that it was a genuinely superb idea and they approached Luke who immediately agreed to get involved.
Some people thought it was a joke, but everyone that was participating in the sessions swore blind that it wasn’t.
They were serious.
They were very serious.
A month went by, and then another, followed by yet another and before they knew it a whole year had slipped by, but that was okay because as they all emerged blinking from the darkness of the studio where they had been ensconced for so long they had with them a master tape that was filled with songs that they felt captured something that they considered no one had ever done before.
For a couple of days they sat on it while they all discussed what they should do with the songs.
Should they release it themselves?
If they did then it would have to be a limited run as financially that was all they could afford.
Or to reach the audience it deserved they could look to the major labels and see if any of them wanted to put their weight behind it.
The arguments for one or the other raged late into the night and then they came to the conclusion that the material was so strong that the more people that would hear it the better and ultimately concluded that the latter was the best option.
So to this end they hired a venue and invited all the major labels to attend for a listening party.
On the day they sat and watched the reactions of the fat cats as they puffed on cigars and listened to the mastered album from start to finish.
This singular piece of genius, this wholly original work of artistic expression blasted out and begged for something to be said.
Slowly one man stood up and turned towards the band.
They all looked at him as he ran his eyes around the room, licked his lips and then said ‘Is this Colin’s Godson? Sounds like them.’
All the fat cats nodded.
An awkward silence filled the room until it was broken when Luke Haines said ‘Who the fuck are Colin’s Godson?’ 


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