Wee Tam

There's a wee man comes to ma cafe every other day.  Nice wee fella. Reminds me of ma Granda on ma mithers side.  Sort of an easy goan wee guy.  He always sits at the windae in the corner wae his back tae the wa'.  Always asks fur the same 'hing as well.
'Just a roll an' chips hen … Wee bitty salt and loads a vinegar, nae sauce'
I could just ask him if he wants the usual, but a 'hink he likes the ritual o' it. He'll have a wee cuppa wae it as well, but I never ask him if he wants it, or charge him fur it.

A like that he comes in. A like the familiarity o' it.

There wis a couple o' week last year that I didnae see him, and to tell ye the truth I thoat he'd croaked it - shucked his mortal coil and rode aff intae the sunset, as ma Da would say – then, there he wiz, back in his seat wan day and nae explanation given.

He's a harmless ol' guy. Never hassles us waitresses, always polite, quiet, bit no stand-offish if you know whit a mean.  Jist a nice wee guy.

In a' the years he has been comin', in if ye forget him asking fur his roll, then I suppose he has only said hawf a dozen words.

Until last week that is.

He was sittin' where he usually does an' some o' the boys and lassies fae the college came in. They’re always a bit loud. The sort that want everyone to hear their conversations … as if anyone actually cares about whit they're talking aboot.  A always think that they think that all their patter is original - it's the same stuff that has been getting said fer years - they just use different words tae say the same thing.

Anyway, they came in an' the lassie said that it wid be nice to sit at the windae and get the sun - the only problem wiz that two o' the tables were full and the only wan left wiz the wan that the old fella was at. There wiz four o' them though and only the three free seats. If it was me I wid have just sat elsewhere, but sometimes young folk, and even some of the old folk, think the world revolves aroon' them

This wan lad said to the old guy tae move tae another table so they could a' sit the 'gither. He didnae even ask. It was mair telling him, but in a nice tone as if that made it a'right. So, I got my wee spray gun an' cloth and went o'er and started cleaning the tables close by, so I could keep an eye oan things, and say somethin' if it wiz needed.

Just as I got there, I heard the wee man say: 'Is that a Che Guevara shirt ye have oan?'

The boy didnae know whit to say fer a second or two. A'm guessing he wiz still stuck in that 'a'll tell him tae move and we'll sit doon' frame a' mind, and it wiz takin' a while fer it to sink in that the old fella wisnae botherin much aboot his request.

Before he could say anythin' in reply I heard again: 'Ernesto Guevara oan yer top?'

The lad didnae have a clue. 'Eh aye. Whit aboot it?'

'Jist askin. You a bit of a leftie then? Wan o' them socialists? Is that whit they call communists noo?'

Then I heard wan o' the funniest things I'd heard in ages.

'A got it in that Primark shop for two quid. No bad eh?'

That's no the funny bit, the reply wiz the funny bit.

'So is that how much revolutions costs these days?'

The boy didnae know whit to say. It's like sum o' them have a script a'ready written in their heids and when it's deviated from ther' clueless.

' A asked you tae move and let us sit there'

'You didnae son. You told me to take anither seat. If ye had asked a wid already be sittin' ther, an' yer pals and you wid be enjoyng the sun'.

Belter.

A've goat ma back tae them, but a'm grinnin like yon Cheshire cat. This young fella is no match for the auld yin.

'Dae ye want tae move?' he says.
'Aye … When I finish ma roll and chips.'

As long as it goes back an' forth like that I didnae have a problem. Naebody wiz bein' aggressive. Nae swearing an' the like.  Just a wee boy getting telt that his tea wiz oot in a nice way. Then the boy had tae ruin in and be a bit o' an arse aboot it.

'I think you should move the noo' says he.

'You leave the thinkin' tae yer betters son.'

Classic come back, but maybe no the time 'n place fur it, as some of the young yins canny take no getting' their ane way … An sure enough, this wiz wan o' them boys.

I just heard the rippin' noise and, by the time a had turned roon, the newspaper had a'ready been snatched fae the old guys haun's and sheets o' it were floatin' tae the floor.
Before a' could get the boy telt, the ol' guy wiz oan his feet and right intae the boy's face he said:

 'You shoudnae have dun that'

Christ. It looked as if the years had drapped aff him, and I wisnae the only wan tae think so.  When he was stan'in up he wisnae as wee as I thought he wiz, or as frail. There's was thunder in his eyes and his haun's looked like shovels. How I coulda missed that, I'll never know.

When the boy answered him you could hear the wind wisnae in his sails onymair.

'Nae affence mate. Just a laugh man'

'Nah. It wisnae a laugh an' yer a silly wee boy whose made an arse of himself in public. Now gie me yer top'.

I didnae think I'd heard him right, bit no another noise wiz bein' made so he must huv said it.  I needny have doubted it though as he said it again.

'Gie me yer top'

The boy looked aboot tae greet, and all three of his pals were closer to the door noo than he wiz, an' I hadny seen them move.

'Yer jokin?’

'Dae ye see me laughin' son? -  Noo take it aff.'

Then the strangest thing happened.

The lad whipped aff his hoodie, pulled the t-shirt o'er his heid and slipped the hoodie back oan, in whit seemed like wan fuild motion, an' then he wiz a'ready zippin' it up as he barged by his pals an' oot the door leaving the t-shirt lying oan the flair behin' him.

A hadnae said a word and a realized that a had been haudin' ma breath as well. I think everywan hud in the place. I bent doon and picked up the Che Guevara top, and as I straightened up the old man wiz back in his seat sippin' on his tea and holdin his roll in wan haun'.

For wee bitty of a minute a thought it hadny happened, and then I seen the pages o' the newspaper oot of the corner of ma eye lying under the chairs an tables, and o' course I was still haudin' the t-shirt. I didnae really no whit to say and it must have sounded a bit daft when I did open ma mooth and let ' Dae ye want this t-shirt?' slip oot.

'Na hen. You keep it. It will look better on you raither than oan me' he said with a wee smile, and then there he wiz, … That wee ol' man again. … Just a wee ol' man eatin' his roll.

That wiz the last day a seen him.

Then, this morning, another ol' man came in an' asked me if I wiz the wummin that served wee Tam who came in every second day. I telt him I didnae know his name wiz Tam, but if it wiz the the man who sat at the windae then aye I wiz. He said that maybe I would want this, and pushed a wee bit of paper into ma haun, and walked straight oot.

It looked as if he was greetin'.

When a looked at the paper, it was a wee cutting from the obituary section in the local newspaper.

Thomas 'Wee Tam'  McLean

1919 - 2002

Much loved and much missed

Husband, Father, Brother,

Spanish Civil War Veteran

"As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary."

A hero in the eyes of many

I think I've been greetin' for an hours straight since then an' I don't really know why.

I didnae really know him.  Maybe it's because, for a couple of seconds, I seen the man he used to be.

A think am gonna miss him.

A think the world is a'ready missin' folk like him.


(Thanks to StuWho for the invaluable advice and the editing job that has made my scribbling more palatable to the eye)

Rabbie's Birlin'

As we roll ever closer to the annual Burns an' a' that festival that takes place in Ayr it has come to my attention about a few issues.

The local authority have apparently sourced out the booking of the acts that will be appearing, and Ayrshire artists are in very short supply on the bill.

Shame on the suits in their offices.

That's not to say that there are no Ayrshire artists involved, but right at this precise moment we are awash with talent, and I would think that we could have expected more of a presence from those who have been putting the work in and grabbing our attention.

Brown Bear and the Bandits for instance were mentioned by the BBC as a band to watch out for in 2012, and more recently bagged one of the hard to get t-break slots at Tea in the Park.

Previous acts to have played this stage have been Biffy Clyro and Snow Patrol and they didn't do too badly.

Little Fire is another act who has been making a splash for a number of years now.

From appearances on national television to supporting acts as diverse as JLS to the Secret Sisters.

He even has a forthcoming show with Joan Armatrading, so I would have expected to hear that he was playing, but apparently not.

What about Tragic O'Hara?

He's supported post punk legends the Fall, Pete Docherty and more.

In fact he will soon be supporting the Urban Voodoo Machine who Classic Rock magazine are promoting as the must see band of the year.

Now if he can impress people involved with all of these acts then I am sure that he could impress a crowd in Ayr.

Mechanical Smile of Kilmarnock have just won a competition to appear at some of the biggest festivals that the UK has to offer through the Rd Bull Bedroom Jam.

Are they listed?

Nope. Their not.

Fatherson are being punted by Radio One just now, and virtually everyone else in the media.

I nearly forgot about them.

Then there's Rose Parade, A Band Called Cadence, Colin Hunter, Fole, Duffy's Gypsy Band, Melisa Kelly and the Harmless Thieves, Alan Frew and so many more.

Now before anyone makes the inane and crass comment that the festival needs outside acts to provide some variety I'll cover that.

No one is saying it doesn't.

Look at Kilmarnocks Dirty Weekender bill to see how a festival can be created that has more of a balance to it.

Two venues over three days covering every genre that you could think of.

A mini festival that will showcase plenty of talent from the 'shire, and bring in other bands, while also managing to avoid dipping into the public purse to do it.

On a smaller scale there is also the Third Degrees Burns one day event that will be held in the Burns Museum that does purely highlight home grown talent, and does so admirably.

Why the Burns an' a' that festival has missed out on what is right under their noses appears to be just another example of those in power being horrendously out of touch with the communities they represent.

A wee trip to The Firehouse in Ayr, or Su Casa would have provided them with a wealth of talent at their disposal at what I reckon would have been a fraction of the cost.

An email to the people who organise the Troon Festival wouldn't have gone amiss either.

In fact I am sure others could add even more touchstones that they could have availed themselves off.

For myself I'll be giving it a miss this year and instead on the Friday I am going to support the endeavours of the people who are bringing us the Dirty Weekender, and the Saturday I'll attend the Third Degree Burns event.

I hope plenty of others will join me.

If anyone has any other events going on then please feel free to add them to teh comments or list them on Get Gigs Ayrshire on Facebook.

Dirty Weekender

Third Degree Burns

Joey Ramone - Ya Know

New York, New York. So good they named it twice, and today the blog features two New York Legends.

First it was the New York Dolls with their live Bowery album and now it's the turn of another Bowery legend.

The uncrowned, but in my head king of CBGBs, it's Joey Ramone, with the posthumous 'Ya Know'.

I'm an unashamed Ramones nut so this floating to the surface is akin to seeing a shining and life saving oasis in the desert.

It's been so long since I've heard anything new that he has sung that I'm pretty much delirious when I'm listening to this.

It's not all unheard material, but there's plenty to get your teeth into, and not one single track could be described as filler.

It's ten whole years since 'Don't Worry About Me' came out. Ten long barren years that have now come to a close.

There's been some talk about Joey's brother Mickey cashing in on the memory of Joey.

What a disrespectful pile of crap.

So what do the fans want?

A lovingly compiled album that members of Joeys family will profit from, and that will also serve to keep the legend alive, or some label profiting from cobbling together some crap demos and demeaning the legend that was Joey.

I know whose side I'm on.

Anyway, back to the album.

For it to have been created from disparate sessions it has a perfect groove going on.

The songs all flow naturally into each other and it doesn't sound like a collection of tracks, but instead an album proper.

It could have been written in the one sitting and recorded in one exhausting session.

No one, and I mean no one, will feel short changed when they slip this on.

For me Joey was always 'The Ramones'.

That's not to downplay the work of the other band members, but Joey's voice is what dragged me in and wouldn't let go.

Now here I am with the album playing and my head is filled with memories because Joey and the songs he sang were the soundtrack to my life, and now I have some more to get me through the present.

I'm in heaven here.

From the first listen, and then repeating the experience again and again, I've reverted back to being a pathetic fan boy.

I just fuckin' love this.

Forget this being a review.

It's my outpouring of love and respect for the man.

To think that these songs have been lying about waiting to be polished and released is sort of mind blowing to me.

While the mainstream magazines will dissect it, and in my opinion miss the point by failing to see the wood for the trees, I can just on a very basic level say that for a Ramones fan hearing this it is like having all your birthdays and Christmases rolled into one.

The smile on my face is hurting me, but in a good way.

PS - Someone please buy me the deluxe release.

Buy it direct.

New York Dolls - Live from the Bowery.

Old habits die hard.

That's why I bought the latest live offering from The New York Dolls.

The imaginatively titled 'Live from the Bowery'.

After the anticlimactic 'Dancing Backwards in High Heels' that was a David Johansen solo album in all but name, and a rather lacklustre support to Alice Cooper on Halloween in Glasgow, the only thing that kept me hanging in there as a fan is that deep down I told myself that there must be some fuel left in the tank.

So I'm rather pleased to hear on this that the foot was pressed firmly back on the peddle after being stuck in cruise control for a little while there.

This Bowery show is the one I wanted to experience in Glasgow.

This sort of performance would have left me with the largest grin imaginable, and I would presume Alice would have been backstage wondering what he was going to do to follow the mighty Dolls.

Blasting off with Looking for a Kiss sets the table for what is to come.

The leading track from 'High Heels' 'I'm so Fabulous' sounds........well fabulous actually.

Forth track in and I've been sucker punched by 'Talk to me Baby'

Live it sounds like it's a Ramones/Spector classic that has been bastardized by the Dolls.

The 60's girl band sound and punk rock mix is quite frankly the dogs bollocks.

Then the live set just relentlessly delivers again and again.

If you want it, then they've got it in spades and delivering it hard and fast.

I'm a born again aficionado of the New York Dolls, and all it took was one blistering live set.

Fantastic value for money as well as the CD comes with a DVD of the whole performance.

Hallelujah motherfuckers. The Dolls are back.  

Sacre Noir - She Can't Take It

If Portishead added some goth influences to their music and turned the pop dial up to eleven then they would sound like Sacre Noir.

That's it in a nutshell really.

The problem is that describing the band in that manner only hints at the strengths that are displayed on what will be the debut single from their sophomore album release.

There's a simplistic clockwork beat to the song, some drama, a soulful vocal delivery, and a little sprinkle of magic that makes a track that shouldn't bite in on first listen manage to do the exact opposite and exist as an earworm for the rest of the day.

There's plenty of meat to the track for those who prefer their music with a bit of substance, and it treads carefully, albeit tentatively, into a sound that could beguile a wider and far less esoteric audience.

From the press release that accompanied the single it would seem that they are accepting that the track has a more upbeat feel to it than any of the material on their debut album, and without having heard that album I think I could be safe in assuring them that it has been a positive move.

Without that light in the darkness I'm not sure what would differentiate this Edinburgh band from their dark electronic peers.

This slight change in direction from the the electronic goth template has definitely allowed them to take a large step ahead of the pack, and stereotypically I would have to add made them 'one to watch out for'.

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Johnny Deluxe versus the Bullies

If you like the velvet tones of the very naughty Johnny then leave a comment on youtube.
FistFuxDeluxe4ever.

Masquerade Ball 2012 - Ayr Town Hall - 12/05/12

Well Ayrs inaugural Masquerade Ball went rather well last night.

I doubt anyone who attended wouldn't have been won over by the hard work put in by the organisers and sponsors, who all, without exception, provided an excellent night of entertainment.

It was a evening that lent itself to playing at dress up and getting your best togs on to celebrate life.

The idea of a Masquerade Ball may sound rather grandiose, but while the décor and setting was certainly grand, the down to earth atmosphere was one of bonhomie.

There was the chance to dance, drink and eat.

Shmooze with mates.

Bounce on an inflatable castle and be entertainment by the wonderfully soulful Meliusa Kelly and her Harmless Thieves, who one again bowled over everyone who had the pleasure of being there.

It was frankly everything I expected it to be, and more.

If a night deserved a standing ovation then this was it.

When they announced at the end of the evening that next years will be bigger and better it was met with a resounding cheer, and I hope everyone involved took that as a deserved seal of approval.

Things are no doubt in the planning stages just now, but as soon as a date is arranged I would advice anyone interested to get it down in their diary as I suspect everyone there this year will return next, and bring all their friends.

As introductions go to a fresh idea it did the job

Mr Write - Palace Theatre - Kilmarnock - 11/05/12

Imagine the concept.

A guy turns up in town and takes to the stage.

He has no script, no story.

Instead all he has is an audience.

From that audience he takes a child and begins to question him, or her.

The answers, and snippets of the answers, are written on the backdrop of the stage.

The audience are then asked a few questions and their answers join the ones already starting to fill the backdrop.

Then the audience are invited to ask the child some questions, and the answers are once again added to the wall of random text.

It all seems a bit anarchic doesn't it.

Yet from the chaos Rob Drummond aka Mr Write works his magic and before our very eyes uses the words and phrases to spin a story.

That's it.

First half of the show is where he engages with an audience of often unruly and naturally excitable kids, and in the second half he uses all that they have given him to write an interactive story.

How fantastic is that.

It's all the more impressive as the story that he drags from the phrases is a simplistic one of how we all share fears, and that nothing is an insurmountable problem if we are brave enough to face them.

Especially if we are supported in doing so.

It's a nice message and put across without insulting the intelligence of the young audience.

I would consider that most parents whose kids are aged upwards of twelve years old would have thought it a well spent fiver if they had dragged their offspring along.

The bonus to it all is that I also suspect that their kids would have loved it after initially turning their nose up at a weekend trip to the dreaded theatre.

Sadly it would appear that for all the effort that Rob Drummond is putting in to engage with his audience, it isn't being returned by the wider Ayrshire public, and once again Kilmarnock gets nul points in its efforts towards encouraging our kids to be a little more culturally aware of what the world of entertainment can offer them.

While there is nothing wrong, in my opinion, with the younger generations love of games consoles, it is really up to us to show them that thought provoking and fun entertainment can be found elsewhere to.

JFK said that 'if art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him' and while I agree, I would add that society also has to support the artists endeavours to enrich us all by offering them our patronage.

I could make some reference to a few reasons as to why I think that 'Mr Write' fell short of the attendance levels that it deserved, but my views covering the ongoing decline of my home towns interest in the arts in all there wondrous forms has been done to death.

Some people agree with me, many don't.

The only thing I can say is that once again if we don't use it we lose it, and I think Kilmarnock needs people like Rob Drummond coming through and adding a bit of light to the encroaching darkness.

Live from the frontline - Vivien Scotson

In recent months there has been a welcomed backlash against 'pay to play' promoters in the Glasgow area.
The efforts to highlight this on going issue has attracted the national media and garnered a great deal of support from musicians and music fans across the UK.
Much of it has been orchestrated by the brave efforts of the musician Vivien Scotson.
Unfortunately by standing up to vocally express an opinion, whether you agree with it or not, she has drawn a great deal of negative attention to herself.
Some pretty nasty statements have been made, and some cowards have went to the lengths of issuing physical threats.
The onslaught of hate speech has now had a detrimental impact on the health of this young woman.
Readers of the blog will no doubt be aware of my stance regarding pay to play, so I'm not going to use this update to reiterate my disgust at the exploitative behaviour of the dodgy promoters, but instead ask a couple of questions.
I would love to hear a semi-literate and logical response to them.

1) When is it acceptable to threaten anyone for stating an opinion, an opinion that isn't advocating harm on another?
2) Maybe a bit sexist this one, but in what circumstances is it acceptable for grown men to threaten young women?

That's it. Two very simple questions.

As someone who expresses their opinion often, and loudly, I to receive threats.
Personally I can live with them, but the difference here is that I get the occasional threat and I discount them as unworthy of being concerned about.
I've yet to receive one with a real name attached.
I will however say that if I was to get them on a daily basis then I have no idea on how I would feel about that.
If I was to be attacked in the press with uncorroborated nonsense I would guess I would feel incensed, but I couldn't say how my anger would manifest itself.
It is very possible that I would be suffering from panic attacks and such to.

I am rather angry about this just now. So what I would like to see is an outpouring of support for Vivien.
I don't mean support for her cause. Everyone has the right to their own opinion about pay to play, but instead support for a young woman who is being publicly and privately attacked with hurtful words and threats.

If anyone reading this knows anyone who has issued a threat in her direction, or maybe they are one of these people, then I would love them to take a second and consider their own, or their friends behaviour.
Would it be acceptable for one of their family to be on the receiving end?

ItasXXXXthing blog fully supports Vivien in her fight against pay to play, but more importantly I am personally disgusted with the negative attention she has received.

A Main

Vivien Scotson website

The Tonighters – Photograph ep

Once more The Tonighters return to the murky world of the music business and thumb their noses and bare their backsides at the big labels and their dodgy deals.

Well when I say their noses and their backsides I really just mean his nose and his backside as The Tonighters are really the solo efforts of William 'Canny Lad' Gilbert.

Yet again, virtually all on his lonesome, he has released another ep of what is very nearly pop perfection.

He plays the lot, writes it all, produces it all, designs the artwork and more,

It's very nearly a one man cottage industry.

The only thing stopping it being a complete solo effort in the truest sense is the inclusion of some additional vocals from Sophie Evans who provides a very lovely counter balance to Williams own approach to the songs.

It all so very lovely.

I should explain that now.

In an age when claiming that a persons musical efforts are lovely it can come across as a bit weak.

Lovely seems to translate to nothing to write home about.

It's cast about rather dismissively, but in this case my claiming that 'Photograph' is lovely flies in the face of the perceived understanding of it, because when I use the term I am meaning that it is so beautifully written and performed that it is like a lovely salve that works as an antidote to the stresses of everyday life.

Slip it on a drift along with the summery mod tinged sound of the Tonighters and you will also feel the need to breathe the word lovely out and genuinely mean it.

At one point of his career the Modfather would have given his left nut to have written these songs.

Have a listen, even download it for free.......Yes FREE